Day 37 - I Know the Truth and That's All That Matters

Everyday has such ups and downs.  Today was no exception.  My business keeps me fairly isolated.  It is the only thing I hate about my job.  I am a collaborator by nature.  I love it when I am working with a client in a true collaboration.  The work is always so much better.  

Today, I am uplifted after a meeting with some inspirational women.  With renewed vigor, I am working, chauffeuring the child, keeping the house and literally trying to save the world (one child at a time) with the deftness of a true supper mom.  Accomplishing much, trying to give a little more to relationships overlooked.  

And then I am confronted by an ever present shadow - pain.  It is in us all - physical pain, emotional pain.  It comes in so many forms.  Sometimes I am completely shut down by my pain.  However, today I was not dealing with my pain, but someone else's.  I started to let it affect me.  I was falling back in to my old pattern of defensiveness.  And I did for a good 10 - 15 minutes.  But then I stopped.  I stepped back, and I did not accept the pain.  It was a very internal moment.  You couldn't see it in my face or my actions.  I just said my mantra to myself:  "Just because you say it, doesn't make it true."  In the old days, knowing this in my heart didn't matter.  I had to make the other person agree.  But now, knowing it in my heart is enough.

Just because you say something, doesn't make it true.  I know the truth, and that's all that matters.

My reaction or lack of reaction changes and the pain diffuses.

I can't change you.  It's not important that I change you.  I can only change myself.  It's obvious.  So why did it take me 39 years, 10 months and 24 days to figure it out?