Day 38 - The Do-Gooder

I'm a what you might call a "do-gooder."  I do good...for other people.  Sometimes for friends, almost never for myself, my husband or my child, and almost always for complete strangers.  Why is that?  I mean, there is nothing wrong with helping other, but I'm thinking that I need to start prioritizing.  


I'm great at prioritizing when I have no other choice.  For example, I started feeling my back go out of alignment.  Immediately confident with the solution, I handed over child responsibilities to the husband and swooped in to the chiropractor who cracks me into shape.  If it's time to pick up my son from school, presto, I do it!  If I have a meeting, I'm there!  Of course, I'm usually running around the house trying to do twelve different things in the five minutes before I have to leave, but I always make it to the meeting well-prepared and on time.


In the good old days when I was an actor (*see note), we would create these "compositions."  Theatre director Anne Bogart defines composition as "a method for creating new work. It is an alternative method of writing. Rather than being alone in a room with a computer, Composition is writing with a group of people on their feet.”  Sometimes we would have 10 minutes to go from start to finish on a composition.  Sometimes we would have an hour, sometimes a day.  Ms. Bogart would say (and I would concur) that it always takes just as much time as you have been assigned to complete a project.  It is almost impossible to finish early and you always get it done.  In other words, it takes the time that you are given - no more and no less.


I see this happening in my day to day life.  Because I have very few deadlines, I tend to linger.  When does the house get cleaned?  When someone is coming over.  When do I send the birthday cards?  Usually the day before the birthday?  When do I make a reservation or book a flight?  At the last possible minute.


There is definitely a like between my inability to prioritize and my perfectionism.  I just don't want to commit if I have any doubts or if its not perfect.  How can I get over this?  I think I'll have to do some reading from the chapter my therapist gave me on perfectionism over a year ago.  You see, I didn't want to read it until I could fully commit to contemplating over it.  Seriously!


So, goals for tomorrow.  Read about perfectionism and see if there is a way to let go once and for all.  And set myself some deadlines.  Like my son, I think I need a picture schedule sometimes.  "All done checking e-mail.  Time to make phone calls."  "First, wash dishes, then watch HGTV."